I went quite some time without posting a poem (before my most recent post.) This is why. Usually I capture everything. But during this trip I hardly captured a thing with my camera. I just wanted to soak it all in.
What made it so amazing, was sitting on the grand canyon with my friend and not checking my cellular device. I only captured the places that I experienced twice. Whether you’re religious or not, (I’m not. Not quite.) I felt “blessed.” I knew my debts were paid. And I laid within Earth to connect. As I’ve never done before. As a child, I traveled over seas. And I connected. But never have I felt a bond so deep as I have felt recently.
It was mother to mother. In the ether. It was still. No brainstorming. No writing. I should mention now, that the reason I often over rhyme is because writing helps me to calm my thoughts and organize them. So my mind relates rhyming to organization. Which I actually disagree with. But like any human being, I contradicted myself. Have you ever felt that your heart and mind were debating? As if they were two separate people?
They, my heart and mind, were on the same page on that point of the map. Some humans think that because they’re mostly correct, that they’re not wrong in any way. Others feel they are always wrong, and afraid to be correct. Others don’t want to read the book in it’s entirety because it’s safer to read one selected paragraph or even the summary. Some believe only what’s important to them. And narcissists only believe what they feel from the fiction that their mind creates.
But in the middle of nothingness lives an overflow of something. Everything I already knew was discovered there. I earned that gift. I gave myself a hard pill to swallow. And it was the medicine that I needed.
I think more than I speak
I walk more than I talk
Every intention I can see
Every moment came before your actions
I pull it apart
Enemies disguised as foes
Would you say why they’re so friendly to me
Scents are tracked
Why don’t they accept their truth
As if being kind to me will erase their wile behavior
July 11, 2015.. The day my transition and transformation began. The sleepless nights didn’t kill me. The abandonment didn’t kill me. The abuse didn’t kill me. The rapes didn’t kill me. My attempted murderer didn’t kill me. Depression, anxiety, and (ptsd) didn’t kill me. Fear mongers didn’t kill me. Lack of love and self love did not kill me.
I decided to stop suppressing myself. I decided to stop making myself unhappy to make others comfortable because they sure wouldn’t do the same. I became my own support, my own cheerleader, my own love interest (Yes, it’s possible without perversion). And once I made those changes, I felt and saw the support and love flood into my life from every corner, The Sky as well as every grain of soil. Finally, I openly followed my intuition which has NEVER BEEN WRONG. I will always stay with my gut instinct and intuition before anyone’s word. I’m sharing this because I know there are more people out here who have been through this (and more).
And you still haven’t let go. Fear holds us back. It’s a type of slavery you can’t easily see, nor are most prepared to acknowledge. The worst part about this is that there are children who are taught that they do not matter, that they aren’t loved, they aren’t worthy, and they should be silent. Then as they grow older they are left in pieces to clean up the destruction that was bestowed upon them. Every excuse is made in this world to make them slaves, to break their spirit. I went from local churches growing up, to NOMA, and Waymaker ministries to help change things. But I had to start with myself. The summer of 2015 was the evening that I fell high, reborn.
If you didn’t know, you are needed. You are worthy, you are loved. Please love yourself. #AllIsABlessing #LoveYourself
black water photo
Have you ever met someone and they were a breath of fresh air?
Just like that. This very special soul is inspiring as the wind. Fluid like water. Grounded and nurturing as the Earth. And passionate as fire.
You can take me away.
Be my air
I want to sink into your emotion.
Please be my ocean
Let me grow with you. Let’s make a tree.
Are we Earth
Rest me in your center. I’ll be the heat.
Who’s your fire
I am so overwhelmed by this energy. How can I express this thoroughly?
Suffocate me in your heat. I want you to breathe. Blow your wind into my lips.
Only turn the tables. I wonder should I let go and just flow with him… There isn’t much I can say that Cassie didn’t cover.
P.s. Cassie is so beautiful!
To the point: I don’t write to be a writer. This is clear. Yes I’m shading myself. The best self care is being honest with yourself about your flaws and faults. Okay, so I write to heal. Also, speaking (typing) in this way begins to irritate me. I get restless so I like to use a poetic “format” because it’s quick. Even when it’s cliche rhyming. That doesn’t matter to me. It’s a healing process. Which brings me to..
I hate being censured. I don’t include highly sensitive personal details. So I’m already censored. If I am here to heal, In one of my many ways of healing, Let me. If I let you break me, allow me to heal, please. I am not putting anything extra into the atmosphere. Which brings me to…
The epiphany that anyone who doesn’t want you to peacefully heal want you to dramatically die.
glass of blood