July 11, 2015.. The day my transition and transformation began. The sleepless nights didn’t kill me. The abandonment didn’t kill me. The abuse didn’t kill me. The rapes didn’t kill me. My attempted murderer didn’t kill me. Depression, anxiety, and (ptsd) didn’t kill me. Fear mongers didn’t kill me. Lack of love and self love did not kill me.
I decided to stop suppressing myself. I decided to stop making myself unhappy to make others comfortable because they sure wouldn’t do the same. I became my own support, my own cheerleader, my own love interest (Yes, it’s possible without perversion). And once I made those changes, I felt and saw the support and love flood into my life from every corner, The Sky as well as every grain of soil. Finally, I openly followed my intuition which has NEVER BEEN WRONG. I will always stay with my gut instinct and intuition before anyone’s word. I’m sharing this because I know there are more people out here who have been through this (and more).
And you still haven’t let go. Fear holds us back. It’s a type of slavery you can’t easily see, nor are most prepared to acknowledge. The worst part about this is that there are children who are taught that they do not matter, that they aren’t loved, they aren’t worthy, and they should be silent. Then as they grow older they are left in pieces to clean up the destruction that was bestowed upon them. Every excuse is made in this world to make them slaves, to break their spirit. I went from local churches growing up, to NOMA, and Waymaker ministries to help change things. But I had to start with myself. The summer of 2015 was the evening that I fell high, reborn.
If you didn’t know, you are needed. You are worthy, you are loved. Please love yourself. #AllIsABlessing #LoveYourself
If you knew the probability of your existence, you’d understand just how important you are. I’m speaking outside of ego here. I’m expressing the severity of life here on Earth. Know that you weren’t made. You were created. Remember that your life can end here by tonight or tomorrow. We never really know. So be sure to not walk your path crushing hearts, destroying the spirit of children, or promoting hate. I’m happy to see that aside from the toxic energy flow, there are people cleansing & healing each other. I love you, 🌎. #1in400trillion #love #resilient #cleanse #heal #breathe
I am grateful for what I have and what I’ve learned. Most days I’m happy now. Lately, I’ve been letting Nature take its course. I cannot and should not force anyone to stay in my life. I also should not fear losing anyone, especially if I’m gaining pieces of myself in return. This puzzle of mine, I put together with intense focus. Recently, I’ve noticed that a few people in my life will be exiting at this stage. It is a sacrifice I thought long and hard over. I am prepared and ready to make it.
I am at a place of peace and passion. I know that I have options. I do not have to follow anyone. I don’t need to bend to another person’s will. I have choices.
YOU HAVE CHOICES
Anyone out there who feels as though they’re going through the motions, or maybe you feel that you are always doing what you are told and it depresses you, I want to help you to remove that conditioning. Lift your veil. You are enough. Maybe you’re in a dead end relationship or a dead end job. I’ve been through both countless of times. Maybe you feel controlled and enslaved by religion, maybe you’re looking to join a religion. Either way you have choices. There are options. Sit and think deeply. Write, make several plans to find a way out. But the first step is KNOWING that you can get out. Experience, experiment, and explore. That’s a motto I created for myself to remind myself of life’s capabilities and how I should approach it. And I’m sharing it with you. I love you 🌏🌍🌎.
You know, to spill our guts. Lately, I’ve been feeling the need to talk. Let me tell you all of a very recent night by the river in the south with a lemon martini.
FYI: I’m open to responses. I’d like a conversation to grow at some point.
Do you ever stop midway while doing something and have a moment of epiphany? This is what happened the night at the Mississippi River. There I sat with my sister and her friend. Discussing taboo subjects. And it occurred to me how many people have exit from my life.
I’m not offended. I was, however, worried. Will I be left with no one to talk to? I’m on this journey learning how to connect with people. That’s one of the reasons I’m here typing to everyone who reads this. Ok, so I’ve found myself and I’m coming into my own. My question is: Is this normal?
I am ready to step out. And I’ve been taking actions. Being vocal. Feeling confident. Communicating and taking control. But I’m still feeling hushed. I thought I was doing it right. Maybe I’m not doing enough. Someone very dear to me made me take a hard look at my situation. Some would think of it as a compliment. I took it as a reality check. Holding me accountable. I’m paraphrasing here. But my very dear love explained that “You have everything you need. You don’t need those type of people around you. You can do this on your own.”
To me, that says,”Ok! Get to it. Go all the way in. Fearlessly. Get it done now. You’re wasting time.” But I’m hell bent on this vision I had. I feel so odd that I don’t mesh well with anything or anyone else really. I’ve been comfortable as the loner. But why is it a problem now? Why am I worried about being alone out there now? I need to do better because I’ll end up sacrificing to a fault. And it could all be gone.